4/12/2023 0 Comments Peter pan tree copy space"Hey Rob, you sure you don't want us to just put some pressure on the wound?" However, rather than adding a romantic epilogue to the life of a famous hero, all this means is that on top of getting bled to death by an evil nurse, Robin Hood is presumably buried in some random guy's backyard. The story must have seemed a little lame even centuries ago, so another writer came in and tried to fix it by adding a passage in which a dying Robin Hood fires an arrow into the sky, instructing his friends to bury him wherever it lands. That's an anticlimactic way to die if you're a bike messenger, so for a legendary hero like Robin Hood, it's impossibly sad and pointless. She intentionally cuts Robin too deep, then slaps a shitty bandage on him and locks him in a room to bleed to death, which he does. Anyway, Robin visits a local prioress to get his bleeding done, but the prioress is secretly evil (either that or she recently watched Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe and took it upon herself to destroy any future Robin Hood "reimaginings" before they could happen). It's fallen out of use since doctors realized it's fucking crazy, but at the time it was roughly the same as getting a flu shot. Hugh Jackman’s version of Hook, Blackbeard, was a Vladimir Lenin look-alike, who - for some reason - ran a mining colony where prisoners dug for pixie dust.In the story, Robin Hood is going in to get himself bled, a medical procedure wherein ancient people cured themselves of various ailments by having their blood drained from their bodies. Hugh gotta be kidding me: “Pan” (2015) “Pan” (2015) ©Warner Bros/Courtesy Everett It’s a movie more concerned with eyelashes than stakes. Sumpter’s Peter looked like a member of the Backstreet Boys and had the awkward sexuality of a young Nick Carter. If “Hook” represented the best of the ‘90s, the Jeremy Sumpter-led “Peter Pan” was the worst of the aughts. I don’t want it that way: “Peter Pan” (2003) “Peter Pan” (2003) ©Universal/Courtesy Everett The Native American-mocking song “What Makes The Red Man Red” has turned out to be a big embarrassment for Disney. The score isn’t memorable for any catchy tunes - none of them are hummable, but it is for its flagrant racism. Mickey messed up: “Peter Pan” (1953) “Peter Pan” (1953) ©Walt Disney Co./Courtesy Everettĭisney made “Peter Pan” within a few years of “Sleeping Beauty” and “Cinderella,” but unlike those classics, this one hasn’t stood the test of time. It starred a romantic Johnny Depp before the actor turned into a circus act. Barrie biopic tried to explain - with some historical liberties - why “Peter Pan” was the book the writer was destined to publish. OK, so it’s not the traditional story, but this J.M. Behind the magic: “Finding Neverland” (2004) But when it comes to harnessing the rambunctiousness and joy of childhood, “Wendy” can’t be beat. There’s not much talking in Benh Zeitlin’s reimagining - there are no British accents and the island is powered by a magical whale. As the actress sang “I’m flying!,” millions of kids squealed at the impossible magic. While it wasn’t a huge hit onstage, on the tube, Martin’s performance proved an enduring success. If there is one “Peter Pan” moment that is cemented in pop culture, it’s Mary Martin shooting up into the sky (on wires, shhh!) in the Broadway musical, which aired on TV several times throughout the ’50s. She’s flying!: “Peter Pan” with Mary Martin (1955) “Peter Pan” with Mary Martin (1955) Courtesy Everett Collection It was directed by Steven Spielberg, the ‘90s blockbuster king, starred Williams at the peak of his powers and an effervescent Julia Roberts charmed as Tinkerbell - just one year after she did “Pretty Woman.” Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook? Chef’s kiss! 2. Powered by the same adventurous spirit as 1987’s “The Princess Bride,” “Hook” is, to this day, the best take on Barrie’s book. Oh, Captain, My Captain: “Hook” (1991) “Hook” (1991) ©TriStar Pictures/Courtesy Everett Some of the movies have proved to be cultural touchstones cherished by multiple generations, while others deservedly got the hook.įrom a boisterous Robin Williams to Hugh Jackman looking like a Soviet dictator, here’s a look at the best and worst of “Pan” on film. Barrie first wrote the play “Peter Pan or The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up” in 1904, adaptations of the Neverland fantasy have been churned out almost nonstop, the latest being the film “Wendy,” out Friday. More than 100 years later, we still believe in fairies.
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